Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
pop tarts are not kleenex
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
