He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
