textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
