I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
