I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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