I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
