U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
