I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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