Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
