Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
