I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
