Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
