I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im having a threesome with these popsicles
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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