i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize