Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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