Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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