Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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