Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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