Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
