please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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