Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
