I wanna bring you to show and tell
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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