He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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