Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
