i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
