are you so shy because you have an std?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
