Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
