I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
