I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
