just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize