Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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