Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
