Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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