I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
