this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize