So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
