She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
