You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
