I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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