we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
