I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
