Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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