we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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