the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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