do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
