Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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