After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
