just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
