I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
