At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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