I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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