nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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