cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
