Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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