I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
