OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
