I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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