my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
