Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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