Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
