wrigley field is MILF paradise
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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