Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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