I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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