Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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