Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
