Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
