i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
