I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize