well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
